I've always had trouble with meditation. Sitting in the same position, thinking about how my mind needed to 'be quite' and then realizing that by me thinking that, I had already f**ked up. It feels unnatural to sit in silence because that's something that rarely ever happens in the world we live in. Mental stimulation is everywhere and while I conceptually understood the benefits that might come from a moment of silence, I was never able to actually achieve that silence in my mind, and I always cut my meditations short.
Silence can sometimes seems like an empty and stagnant state to pursue, seemingly unattainable by most because of the way our brains are wired. But what if there was another state of focus to pursue that was more forgiving and just as enlightening?
Stillness, both physical and mental, can allow for great introspection and insight. With stillness, your mind does not have to be blank. Thoughts come and go as they please. The practice begins when you train yourself to not get hooked by these enticing thoughts. You simply observe these thoughts, which allows you to be curious. And being curios eventually leads to answers that help you to unpack the unhelpful paradigms you've create over the span of your life.
Mastering silence is near impossible without first mastering stillness. Next time you sit down to meditate, I invite you to welcome stillness into your practice. See if the resistance you have towards silence softens as you give yourself the permission to observe your thoughts without latching on to them.